Disney, Life, Love and other stuff:D
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Friday, 26 June 09 - 12:34 PM (GMT) By Helenasia - in Updates |
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Lets set the stage.
Its Friday at noon...there's a light drizzle of rain outside and it suits my mood perfectly. Am feeling slightly melancholy, and we all know that is the optimal mood for blogging. Got a little bit of nostalgia and wistfulness going on that is completed by the strains of Michael Jackson's "Leave Me Alone" in the background. How many times I have danced my booty off to his tracks...and I am sure I will for many years to come.
Next week is the big move to London. The contracts from Disney arrived in April and were sent back in May after a thorough reading through all the confidentiality clauses and legalities. Its so real.
I found somewhere to live in a flat with 3 other girls my age, its 5 stops away from Hammersmith on the tube, and in a nice place, its also close to my cousin's flat, which helps:), main thing is, its affordable clean and nice!
Work starts on the 13th of July, and I have to say I can't wait. I found out I will be working with a chick from Ireland, who has travelled around a bit like I have. Her artwork is pretty kickass too, you can see it HERE. The two of us will be the production interns for Disney Interactive Studios, the games division. We get to come up with ideas for games, test the ones in production and just do what we are best at, being silly.
There are tons of other interns at Disney every year, but the rest are all stuck in Marketing or Accounting. Me and Sofie have the dream job.
My plan is to work my ass off, staying late, doing weekends, going the extra mile (and another 5) in the hope that once the year is up, they will want to hire me fulltime... Oh god that would be awesome! Then maybe one day....Pixar!
I just never thought that I would be working for Disney before I finish studying... I thought I had set my sights high with wanting to work for Aardman...but Disney I always thought was out of my league! My dreams are coming true:) and damn it feels good. It feels so unbelievably amazing to get the affirmation that yes I am on the right track, ya know?
I was astounded I even got the interview at the time...
Basically this is what happened:
I sent in the creative brief HERE in February and in April I got this amazing email from the current production intern, David Holland, asking me to come in for an interview. I was jumping up and down in joy, just ask my Ma, she got the full brunt of my freakout lol...
I was ecstatic. Then as I was finishing up my semester I pushed aside thoughts of Disney, I was busy settling into life here. I was happy, I had some amazing friends, and somehow it didn't seem like it could happen. I didn't think it would be possible.
Then I went for the interview. OMG i was panicking my ass off. Stepped into the lobby, and was waiting next to this massive jewel encrusted Mickey Mouse statue...and a chair made out of Pluto stuffed toys. Not intimidating at all...HA!
And all these people kept walking past with portfolios and briefcases and all looking very important and...vibrant somehow...that was the weird thing, noone seemed tired or pissed off.
But I was bloody terrified, had no idea what to expect. And as I sat there quietly shitting myself, I realised the lunacy of the moment. There I was, not even done with my MA, in the lobby of Disney Interactive Studios in London, waiting for an interview. My brain could not handle it. So I decided it had to be a dream. I decided fuck this, its too bizarre and farfetched to be REAL. And so I went through the interview with a smile on my face handling questions with ease and determination and...yeah I didnt know how it went really, but I knew I had been honest and given them a good idea of who I was and what I could do for them.
Then I went home, and was completely and utterly knackered. Morning after I had a phonecall.
I got the job.
And instead of being ecstatic like when I got the interview, I got a horrible sinking sensation in my stomach, because I knew I would have to move again, I would have to say goodbye to all my friends here and leave.
And I was terrified I would have another depression attack like I did in January, only this time I would not have my support group. Most of all I knew I would lose my best friend at the time. Things had been going well with him, and we were getting closer and closer...but I knew that if I left, it would stop.
And it did. That was the sacrifice I had to make for Disney. I knew it at the time.
But I also knew I had to take the job.
Now, I am feeling good about it. I made the right choice, like my cousin said, What's for you will not pass you by.
I have her in London, I have a few other old friends, and hell, I am sure it won't be that hard to make some new ones. My career is starting for real here and thank god. :D
Finally, had an amazing semester in uni, got B's all around:D and yeah our group project turned out really well, we have sent it off to a few festivals:D Its on my facebook page, but yeah I haven't uploaded the final cut to youtube yet....
Lovelife has thrown me a curveball, got me another boyfriend, its not serious yet, and I don't know if it will survive the long distance, but its good for me this one is, he really cares about me and isnt afraid to show it.
My sister is coming to visit and shes going to have her second child soon, theres a big family wedding coming up, so many things are happening, all life-affirming and joyous.
There is so much to look forward to, but instead of living in the future as I normally do, I am just trying to live in the present and enjoy my last few days in Newport. God I love this place. Its dodgy as fuck, but its been home:) And my friends here have been amazing, I am definitely keeping in touch with them all.
So London baby, here we come:)
P.S. here are a couple of pictures I have been working on, just to keep you going!
Why am I not sleeping? Lol...
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Tuesday, 19 May 09 - 11:14 PM (GMT) By Helenasia - in People |
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So now I have handed in all my uniwork...and am just trying so hard to get my head around everything that needs to be done before the move to London...
Main thing is, I need to find a place to live, and somehow magically come up with the funds for a deposit... Anyone who feels like handing me a massive wad of cash? Now is your chance! LOL...
I also have a few things I wanna finish up workwise before starting the job with Disney. Once I begin the work there, I won't be able to work for Ymir Mobile anymore due to a conflict of interest... shame, coz I liked the whole family business thing.
Am also wrapping my head around saying goodbye to all my friends again. Yeah this time I am not moving to a different country, which will make it easier to keep in touch, but yeah its not gonna be the same is it? No more popping upstairs to visit Daryl, Gemma, Bob, Nath, Chris and Nina... no...now I will have to once again draw on my charm to sucker people into being my mates lol... Its so tiring socializing dahling lol...
Its an exciting time, but its also a worrying time, and yeah once again all the stability I built up this year is being thrown into the wind...but...there has to be hope right? I mean you can't grow unless you push yourself just that little bit further, take some risks right?
And when I do finally find my "home" and "settle" down, its gonna be a helluva lot better than what I have right here and right now.
Seems I only write when somethings WRONG, or right. Or conflicted.!
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Wednesday, 13 May 09 - 12:27 AM (GMT) By Helenasia - in Updates |
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Well here I am again, yes it HAS been ages, did you miss me?
So why am I back here after all this time? Yep you guessed it, am feeling all emo again.
Let me begin by saying here and let me make this very clear:
I LOVE MY PROBLEMS. I mean I do have the best dilemmas in the world, and my troubles are nowhere near those of the starving children in Africa, but they are mine, and right now they are completely overwhelming which kinda says a lot about how self-absorbed I am...
Anyway yeah so what have I been up to over the past couple of months?
I went to counselling, which in a way made it unnecessary for me to blog, since blogging has always been a sort of therapy for me.
Counselling was good, and it was just incredible to have someone there for me week after week, listening to me talk about how life is, and how things are and what I want...
It was just so so good to have someone there for me. No strings attached.
It got me through the horrendous breakup I was going through and it also has helped me detach a little from the thing thats going on now.
But oh well. Its fucked now. Literally.
And the main reason it has no future? I am leaving.
After all the whining I have done about moving and how I want stability, how could I possibly be moving again you might ask?
Well I got offered the dream job.
A year long internship with DISNEY Interactive Studios in London, sketching up game concepts:D
YES ITS AWESOME I KNOW AND I AM SOOOOO HAPPY ABOUT IT!
Careerwise.
Emotionally? Its a fucking nightmare.
I have just managed to get myself settled into life here, made some awesome friends and was just feeling good about myself. And now I have to get up and move AGAIN to London.
And in a years time I will be moving again.
I mean at least this time its not moving country, but still I can totally foresee myself moving to San Fran to work for Pixar in the future. (If I can get an internship with DIsney, I can totally work for Pixar one day).
But yeah do you see my inner conflict?
I will never ever turn the Disney job down coz it is what I have wanted my whole life (careerwise).
On the other hand, I am going to miss all my friends over here so goddamn much:(
I was just starting to settle into life here. Felt like I had a home, was building up a rhythm...and now? I have to go do it aaall again in the Londons.
London feels like the real world. Am scared shitless I wont be able to cut it, and I am scared shitless I will end up feeling alone and isolated like I did in January. I dont ever wanna feel like that again:/
I want to get myself into a good place so I can head to London with pride and confidence and kick ass.
But instead I feel like I am about 2 feet tall and armed with a stick of floppy celery.
FUCKING HELL I HATE MY DEPRESSIONS!
I want prozac.
Just wondering, at what point can I settle down and just...love.
Yelling at the Moon
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Tuesday, 17 February 09 - 11:28 PM (GMT) By Helenasia - in Love |
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Animated Exeter and life:)
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Tuesday, 17 February 09 - 11:53 AM (GMT) By Helenasia - in Updates |
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Its amazing how a little bit of sunshine can cheer a person up. My weekend in Exeter turned out to be one of the best things I could have done for myself. And to think, I wasn’t even going to go!
The week before had its shares of ups and downs, some major downs and some pretty major ups and damn there were some mad moments in between, but I have to say, all in all I feel so much more optimistic. The counseling session really helped.
I have let go of the past, yeah sure it still hurts, but theres nothing I can do about it now, and I feel so much better now that its all over.
Saturday morning I boarded the train to Exeter and armed with my backpack and an overpriced breakfast roll and coffee I spent the ride typing up my script for my final project.
I arrived on time and with the first draft done, and walked the 5 minutes to my bed and breakfast, the Telstar, where I checked in easily and quickly.
10 minutes later I was sat in my room comfortably revising the script, getting myself ready for the Alan Gilbey scriptwriting class.
After having a quick walk around Exeter city center I discovered a chip shop and stuffed my face with some damn awesome chips, while waiting for the class to start at the Exeter Phoenix.
My first impression of Mr Gilbey was rather funny. He was standing and talking to the television screen…or rather to the animated dinosaur onscreen.
He was basically pulling a Windsor McKay. McKay is credited for creating the first real animated character. Things had been animated before, but never had a character had such depth and personality.
Nice start to the scriptwriting class, I would say, although I thought he was a bit loony.
Then he tells us, this is not a sit down and listen workshop, this is an ACTIVE workshop and mentally I groaned.
I am kinda shy when it comes to strangers and…to be honest, jumping around doing exercises for 3 hours was not my idea of a good Saturday. But then again, beats the crap out of sitting for 3 hours… I probably would have fallen asleep!
Then the exercises started and I swear to god, for the next 3 hours I learned SO MUCH. Yes the exercises were a bit silly, but they did exactly what they were supposed to: They loosened us all up and got us thinking!
I enjoyed the day so much!
I got so many new ideas and insights into character development and scriptwriting that I could barely type fast enough.
And then after the class Gilbey and I sat down in the café and discussed what’s going on with animation today and damn, he was just so nice!
In fact everyone at the workshop was damn nice, I swapped a few business cards with people and of course Mr Gilbey and then on my way out I discovered that one of my classmates that day is the creator of StopMotion Pro, which is one of the biggest stopmotion animation softwares on the market. The dude is Australian and I swear I thought he was an animator. In no way did he fit my idea of a programmer or software developer, but that’s exactly what he does.
Unfortunately they don’t do Mac software, but regardless I got his card, and gave him mine and damn what amazing contacts right there!!!
I was blown away after the first day and already so so glad I had come.
That evening I sat in my b&b room and just chilled, thinking about all the things I had learned and trying to make some sense of it all.
Pretty good Valentines Day to be honest!
This morning I woke up freakishly early and had an amazing free English Breakfast before heading off to Exeter and shot some pics of graveyards and stuff for reference.
I also ended up in a shoeshop (Office)…somehow…and due to the most amazingly friendly customer service, I bought some awesome boots…mmm they are pretty. And then when I was paying for them the other shopgirl spotted my camera and we had a bit of a chat about that, turns out shes into fashion photography so I said come to Newport etc…
So it was already an awesome day. Then I showed up at the life drawing class for animators, hosted by an Aardman person, and DAMN. Our model was a dancer!!!!
We had this girl dancing in front of us for 2 hours holding the most beautiful poses while we frantically sketched our arms off…
I hadn’t taken a life drawing class in about..8 years and it felt awesome… I could feel everything I had learned coming back to me.
I really enjoyed that.
After the class the dancer came up to see my drawings and I promised her some copies of course, good thing I had brought my camera, it gave me a chance to photograph all my drawings before they got smudged from being rolled up and carried back to Newport. Yes people, I was using CHARCOAL! ME! Lol…
Finally there was a comic book expo next door. I was in heaven. I bought 3 comics and I cannot wait to get home and read them and study the artwork. Yeah no I don’t collect comics…I read them and look at the artwork ☺
Slightly less geeky I suppose. I am wearing a Star Wars tshirt today though. And Batgirl undies. Oh well…
Am on my way home now, on the train with a smile on my face and a twinkle in my eye.
Life is good, no its great. Thank god I let go.
For love:)
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Saturday, 14 February 09 - 08:23 AM (GMT) By Helenasia - in Love |
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When God made the world, He chose to put animals in it, and decided to give each whatever it wanted. All the animals formed a long line before His throne, and the cat quietly went to the end of the line. To the elephant and the bear He gave strength, to the rabbit and the deer, swiftness; to the owl, the ability to see at night, to the birds and the butterflies, great beauty; to the fox, cunning; to the monkey, intelligence; to the dog, loyalty; to the lion, courage; to the otter, playfulness. And all these were things the animals begged of God. At last he came to the end of the line, and there sat the little cat, waiting patiently. "What will YOU have?" God asked the cat.
The cat shrugged modestly. "Oh, whatever scraps you have left over. I don't mind."
"But I'm God. I have everything left over.""Then I'll have a little of everything, please" said the Cat.
And God gave a great shout of laughter at the cleverness of this small animal, and gave the cat everything she asked for, adding grace and elegance and, only for her, a gentle purr that would always attract humans and assure her a warm and comfortable home.
But he took away her false modesty.
~ "When God Made Cats" by Lenore Fleischer
2008 is now gone.
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Sunday, 08 February 09 - 11:26 PM (GMT) By Helenasia - in Rants |
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Over the past few weeks and months I have struggled. I have discovered so many things, and found so many flaws in myself. In a way, I feel like this time is a period of mental growth, I am evolving as a human, and finding out more about my darker side at the same time. My shortcomings are more and more obvious to me, and I am finding my priorities hard to arrange. I also am turning out to be a pretty bad judge of character...
I have learned, that no matter how much you care for someone, and how much you try and give them what you think they want, in the end you still can't be sure to give them what they actually want, and they might not want anything from you at all.
I learned that you can give and give, and never get anything back, and even less than nothing sometimes. Thats just the way it is.
I learned that even though you are right about something, and you saw it, and it happened, it doesnt matter in the long run. Being right can be fucking lonely.
I learned that it is truly impossible to be friends with your ex straight away, and that it only takes a minute of indignant rage to ruin the entire future of a friendship.
I learned that sometimes there is nothing you can do to fix things, but the harder you try, the better you feel anyway. I do not regret trying.
I learned that at the end of the day, someone will always have a problem with something you said or did, and that if they care about you enough, they will forgive.
I learned that a lot of maturity is taking responsibility for your mistakes, and that just coz you were wronged, doesn't mean you were right.
Be careful what you wish for.
I learned that even though everything in my professional life is actually going very well, its not enough for me. I learned that I apparently judge my wealth in friends and love, and those are the things that make me truly happy.
I learned that happiness is something I need to work on. My concept of it is a little too shallow for long term use.
In 2008 I studied animation at Limkokwing University and I loved it. I learned concept art (photoshop speed painting), the basics of animation and the basics of 3D software. I could literally see myself improving week by week and it was amazing.
I started the year single, and recovering from the loss of my deepest love so far. I was able to heal, and although I miss him still, its more like I miss the way he made me feel. I am so grateful for that time we had together.
The first part of 2008 was spent studying, rekindling some amazing old friendships and also...acting. I was in 2 films, Ariff Aris' film Menipulate, and Khai's film London Calling. Both films oddly enough seemed to mirror my recent and current experiences... Life imitating art I suppose...
I loved the time I spent working on those films. They were awesome...
In the summer of 2008 I traveled to the islands of Perhentian and Pangkor with my friend Agusta. I swam with turtles and sharks, and I found Nemo. I also made some wonderful new friends:) That was the highlight of my year. At no point was I happier than right then, there on that beautiful beach with the sand under my feet, the sea and sun and sky all loving me. I felt so centered...it was beautiful.
In August I moved to Scotland, and spent a great month with my family. It was wonderful to reconnect with everyone and feel like I belonged somewhere for once. But at the same time I was missing all my friends in Malaysia. Thats something I still hate about traveling...it doesnt matter where I am, I always miss someone.
In September I moved to Wales to start my MA in Animation. The first night I made a few friends that are still my great friends now. They are awesome and I wouldnt be here without them. On my 3rd night in Wales I gained a boyfriend. He had the same birthday as me.
My studies were tougher than I had anticipated, and that, along with the economical crisis of Iceland, and a job I didnt enjoy, put a damper on me. I was not happy. I was ok sometimes, but to be honest I was a drain on myself and to people around me. Yes, I got the depression. Within the space of a week I lost the boyfriend and the job. Both were not going the way they should. I let go of the job easily enough, but the boyfriend, well we were too close, so I didnt let go fast enough. We tried to be friends.
Christmas was tougher. I was so preoccupied with the ex and the work that was all due in after xmas that I was not good company at all, and ended up hurting the people that cared about me.
I rang in the new year with my ex, and up until recently we were friends, but it went horribly wrong. I opened my mouth in anger, and unfortunately I happened to open it a bit too wide to the wrong people. And so I learned that you can ruin things in a heartbeat. To be honest its for the best, I need to move on, and in a way, it helped. There is truly no turning back now, but I wish noone had gotten hurt, me or him.
All I can hope is that life will let us love again, and that it wont destroy us.
I am lucky to have friends and family that make sure that I am alive and well. They care about me even when they dont agree with what I am doing. These are the people that love me and I need them.
Happiness is something I am struggling with right now. I seem to be happy momentarily but...it never lasts. I feel like I am drowning in a way. Work is going very well, I am being offered work that I can do confidently. Uni work is going well so far too, I am far more organised than I was last semester and hopefully less distracted. But... I am not happy. Emotionally I am a mess, complete and utter and thats something I have to fix before it destroys my career and future and any chance I have at happiness.
So I am going for counselling. Never tried it. And while I am in uni its free, so why not. Why not have someone sit and listen to me moan for an hour. It might help. God knows I have enough issues. For anyone who is judging me for vomiting my heart onto these "pages" you can shove it. All the great artists of the world were passionate emotional and tortured people. I at least am trying to do something about it. I pay my bills, I water my plants, I wash my clothes and body frequently.
I have my shit sorted...sort of.
I want to be a better person, so that I can look in the mirror and say, "Hey you are a pretty good person:)" and actually fucking mean it. I want to go through a day without having a knot in my stomach twisting and turning and fucking me up.
I want to be able to accept the fact that some people will hate me for a while and theres nothing I can do about it, but wait, and hopefully one day get my chance to do them a good turn, although to be honest I kinda think I already gave them enough of me...
I want to be happy. Balanced. I want to be good.
I just want to be loved...:(
PS allir Íslendingar, ég er að koma heim til íslands þann 7.apríl! Verð þarna um páskana:) Ég get ekki beðið eftir að sjá ykkur öll!
Oh and for gods sakes go see The Curious Case of Benjamin Button! Its AWESOME!
TWENTY FIIIIIVE
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Thursday, 05 February 09 - 01:04 AM (GMT) By Helenasia - in People |
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Rules: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you.
1. I really like to listen to country music when I am flying. It calms me.2. I am kinda scared of flying. Yeah I know its supposed to stop when you fly all around the world...but there it is. The more I fly the more fearful I get:P
3. I love cats. Whenever times are tough, they always show up and comfort me...:D
4. I have a really hard time trusting people.
5. Chewed chewing gum grosses me out. It reminds me of teeth. As in teeth that are lying around.
6. After traveling so much I don't really know where home is anymore...
7. I would rather regret the things I have done than the things I didn't do.
8. I am really looking forward to having a house:D
9. I love Jack Daniels.
10. I also love tequila...:D
11. I am addicted to sunshine
12. I sleep with a hot water bottle every night, it keeps me warm and fills the void:)
13. I want to win an Oscar some day. I don't care how long it takes me, I just want it to happen and I will make it happen.
14. I wanna work for Pixar...
15. I want to be a story artist, someone who visualizes stories and then passes them on to the animators hahaha:P
16. I wanted to be a vet when I was little.
17. I thought I would be married with kids by now.
18. I was supposed to be a millionaire by 30, but I don't know if thats gonna happen anymore. Guess its gonna be 35 instead then. I can live with that:D
19. I want to have twin girls, 2 cats and a dog. And a donkey:P
20. I love the color purple.
21. I met Mel Gibson.
22. Bram Stoker, the author of Dracula, is my great great great uncle...
23. After all my travels, the only place I have ever been stopped in customs was in Iceland...
24. I have trouble pronouncing my middle name, and throughout high school was bullied a lot for that damn name. I like it though.
25. I have had one of the roughest weeks in history this past week and it almost broke me:( Disclaimer: If you just read a whole ton of stuff you didn't wanna read and you wish you could just bypass the ramblings and see my latest work and inspiration, now you can! Visit The Ultimate Creations of Helenasia and all your dreams can come true!
Rise
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Thursday, 05 February 09 - 12:53 AM (GMT) By Helenasia - in People |
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What can I say, I started participating in this tagging stuff on Facebook and Khai actually brought it over to the Terapad and since I am saving all the random crap for this blog now...here it is!
RULES:
1. Put your iTunes, Windows Media Player, etc. on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS.
4. Tag 10 friends
5. Everyone tagged has to do the same thing.
6. Have Fun!
IF SOMEONE SAYS 'ARE YOU OKAY' YOU SAY?
Aint Misbehavin - Lena Horne
HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOURSELF?
Here in Your Arms - HelloGoodbye
WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
All I Need - Radiohead
HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Road Trippin - RHCP
WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
Moonlight Party - Fonzerelli (hahahahah!)
WHAT'S YOUR MOTTO?
Lay down in a chair - Limf (oh man this is good hhahahah...)
WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Life is a Gift - Human Dimension
WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Track 43 (its the sound of someone playing pool I think LOL....yeah I have sfx in my itunes...)
WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
My Heart- Helenasia / Dr Pressure - Mylo
WHAT IS 2 + 2?
How's the World Treating You? - Alison Krauss
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Stormy Weather - Nat King Cole (oh god this is too true...)
WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Genetic World - Telepopmusik
WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
If I had a Hammer - Leonard Nimoy (LMAO HAHAHAHAHA)
WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Paperbag - Fiona Apple (wtf...)
WHAT WILL/DID YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
I'm Waiting for the Man - The Velvet Underground (Oops....)
WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Hallelujah - Jeff Buckley (a bit depressing...)
WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Close Your Eyes - The Chemical Brothers
WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR?
Track 40 (another sound effect...this time its the sound of applause....wow)
WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
Jóga - Björk
WHAT DO YOU WANT RIGHT NOW?
O Death - Ralph Stanley (its been a bad week...)
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Snowed Under- Keane
WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
Rise - Samantha James
Bring on the PAIN!
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Saturday, 31 January 09 - 05:43 PM (GMT) By Helenasia - in Updates |
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Hey yall, from now on this blog will be purely for my rants and ramblings and more personal updates but for the work related stuff you can go to the new website as advertised above and below!
Enjoy:D
... More items are available in my News Archive
