It bites
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Tuesday, 19 August 08 - 09:36 PM (GMT) By Helenasia - in Film |
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Oh. My. God.
I just watched THE hottest and MOST disturbing film I have seen in a long time. If not ever.
Seriously this one really fucked me up. It turns you on and then just when you are starting to relax it goes bad, so fucking bad. Dear God. This is so wrong and so awesome at the same time. As far as horror films go? This is one for the books. This is one of the best horror films I have ever seen. Am currently reading a book by Stephen King. The book is called Danse Macabre and is basically the history of horror films from 1950-1990. If it had been a new book, this film would be in it.
The film is not about ghosts. Its about mutation, the old story about the family who lives near a nuclear power plant in the middle of America. And its the old story how having sex before marriage leads to death. Just watch any high school horror film from the 80s or 90s and you always know that the first kids to die are the ones smoking pot or having sex...
I don't want to spoil this film for you, so I won't say anymore. All I am going to say is, the film is called "Teeth" and guys, beware, you might not feel like sleeping after this one. Especially not with someone next to you. This is probably one of the few horror films where you actually feel better sleeping alone. There were times where I couldn't help myself bursting out in horrified laughter. The film just totally goes beyond.
Go find it. "Teeth".
Everyone will finally be Equal...
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Tuesday, 19 August 08 - 09:18 AM (GMT) By Helenasia - in Film |
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I cannot wait to see this film. It totally kills Janteloven and makes it so obvious why in a socialist society, things can go so wrong. We are not all meant to be equal. Equal rights, yes, but equal abilities? That is up to us.
Disclaimer: If you just read a whole ton of stuff you didn't wanna read and you wish you could just bypass the ramblings and see my latest work and inspiration, now you can! Visit The Ultimate Creations of Helenasia and all your dreams can come true!Them
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Monday, 04 August 08 - 04:23 PM (GMT) By Helenasia - in Film |
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As I watched the rapidly multiplying granny lurch hideously from side to side I knew it was already too late. We were all doomed.
I ran frantically through the corridors of the old sprawling school that I had studied in, hoping that while the creature was dividing itself it would not follow.
The house had a dark and delicate beauty which contrasted shockingly with the beings that would soon become it's new inhabitants. The perfectly designed and elegant tapestries hanging on the wall would eventually be covered with abstract splashes of blood almost like a Pollack painting on a Da Vinci background.
Dashing between the trees in the apple orchard I saw a group of apple pickers and their small children strolling along happily with their harvest in a basket. The women looked so carefree as the afternoon sunlight hit their smiling faces and the children were like tiny little angels dancing around the trees.
All I could think about was how hideous the children would be once they turned. To imagine their tiny little reanimated corpses moving like puppets in obedience to the dark force that would control them. That sweet and innocent smile would become sinister and mocking and those beautiful big eyes would have nothing in them but malice.
I realised then that no matter what, I could not let them get me. I never wanted to turn into one of them, even if it meant taking my own life.
I ran faster, desperately trying to reach the other house. The house that was supposed to be the setting for the wedding of my best friend and her rather elderly beau. The week was meant to be filled with parties and cocktails, elegant dinners and evenings spent dancing.
Instead the house would be the final refuge. The setting of the final stand against the enemy.
My best friend and her husband were having a siesta when I burst into their room. Luckily they were dressed, if you consider bathrobes proper evening attire.
"They're HERE!" I blurted out breathlessly.
Looking up from the paper George, large and strong in his late 50s, was not amused. "What the devil? Who's here?!"
"I need a gun! Its them, its the zombies! They are here!"
George paled and for some reason did not question my bizarre statement but jumped up and opened the bedroom closet. He pulled out 2 small boxes. "Here, you take the Beretta." He then proceeded to show me how to load it and release the security. It was an automatic and felt sleek yet heavy in my hand. The weight somehow was comforting, as if this gun was my only connection to a future of any kind. My saviour.
My best friend had dressed by now and was ready to go. George had opened the other box and taken out a larger gun, which seemed a bit unwieldy, but then again, any weapon was a good weapon at this point.
"Aim for the head, anything else will not stop them." I briefly hugged my best friend, hoping that I would see her again, hoping that George would be able to protect her from the evil that was coming.
But to be honest I didn't really think any of us would survive. The way that being had multiplied, and the speed with which they attacked... There were hundreds of victims just walking around, like sitting ducks. There was no way I could warn everyone, and anyone they attacked, would eventually turn.
Running back through the orchard I shot a few of them. Surprisingly I was an excellent shot. For some reason I was able to calcuate the projectory of the bullets and hit my target every time. It was almost like execution, but at some point the bullets would run out and I would have no defense against these monsters.
I had an extra pack of bullets which I used to reload the gun with quickly.
I would go out fighting. But I would also remember to save the last bullet for myself. Would I have the courage to make the shot when the time came? Would I have the time to do it before they attacked? Would I miss?
Oh God, what if I missed...
And thats when I woke up, feeling oh so relieved that I was out of the world where the zombies were coming, but then again, a little guilty that I had left all those people to die.
It made me wonder, everytime I wake up from a nightmare before confronting and beating the monster, is there a whole world of people, an alternate universe who are left to die, because I am too cowardly to stay and fight?
Who can say that the other world, the one we visit while we sleep, isnt the real one?
Disclaimer: If you just read a whole ton of stuff you didn't wanna read and you wish you could just bypass the ramblings and see my latest work and inspiration, now you can! Visit The Ultimate Creations of Helenasia and all your dreams can come true!Orphanage Wanted for Hellboy 2
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Saturday, 12 July 08 - 03:44 AM (GMT) By Helenasia - in Film |
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Recently I have been to see a few great films. Maybe not cinematic masterpieces all of them, but damn good entertainment none the less.
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
Directed by Steven Spielberg
Damn entertaining! The lighting was crap and the sets and CGI was rather patchy at best, but I did rather enjoy the whole thing. It did indeed remind me of an old Indie movie. Not a masterpiece, no Temple of Doom, but damn entertaining none the less!
I went in with rather low expectations, a friend had warned me about it and so I was just hoping it wasn't terrible. Turned out to be the right frame of mind to be in, instead I was just pleasantly surprised and amused:)
Apparently the main 2 issues with it (CG and lighting) were due to some communication difficulties between Spielberg and Lucas's CG team. Namely that Spielberg would not allow them on set during production but wanted them out of the way until Post production... Hmmm... And the greenscreening was so off.... I swear... Lighting and everything. They should have just gone low-fi and done it like the old films.
Interestingly enough, the film has coined a new internet phrase. "Nuking the fridge".
At one point in the film (spoiler alert) Indie gets blown up by a nuclear bomb and survives it by climbing inside a fridge and is magically blown away during the explosion and lands outside the nuclear fallout...
And then magically the fridge opens and he climbs out, almost unharmed. When I was a kid my parents warned me about playing around old fridges. The reason? Once you are inside, there IS NO WAY OUT. They just do NOT open from the inside. Indie would have died a slow death of starvation and radiation.
And then after he survives that, one is supposed to be worried about his safety in a fist fight? Really? Really?
The Incredible Hulk (2008)
Directed by Louis Leterrier
Now this I actually did have rather high expectations for. I mean come on, its Edward NORTON as the hulk! EEK! I wasn't sure if he could pull it off. I also wanted to see if CG had advanced enough for them to make the big green man look realistic.
It hasn't.
The storyline was good and Liv Tyler was awesome as Betty, basically all the characters were great, loved that dude there as Abomination. But the CG just still ain't good enough for me.
He is still very much a cartoony green man running around wearing pants that magically expand with his waistline. Americans around the world would scream with joy if those pants were available in stores.
The CG is good no doubt...but... Ok its like this yeah? The skin texturing looks cool, but the muscles are off, they are like, overly detailed in places where there aren't even muscles. The face is cool, the eyes are great, but the face moves in ways that faces just don't move. I mean sure you can argue that its a style, its a comic book thing. But I just so desperately want to see a Hulk that looks like a human, just oversized, overmuscled and grotesque.
The mouth especially was just...too wide. It had corners on the sides like the Joker and...urgh. The only humanoid part of the Hulk was the eyes. The rest? Looked just wrong. And I know they have the means to make it right, they just need the right group of people doing the CG... Hopefully by the time the next one goes into PP I can be there to WORK ON IT TOOOOO! Oh sweet joy that would be. Then at least I would find out WHY they haven't been able to make it right yet...
Am guessing its a style thing.
Wanted
Directed by Timur Bekmambetov
I refused to watch the trailers for this one. I would sit in the cinema and cover my eyes and ears frantically trying to block out any spoilers. It didnt work of course but that's how much I was looking forward to this one...
And oh sweet jebus.
I kinda figured out the twist in the end pretty quickly (its not hard and pretty typical). The storyline is okayish, usual thang, no big surprises there.
BUT OH MY GOD THE EYE CANDYYYYYYY! The dude shoots the WINGS OFF A FLY! Am not going to say any more about that, but oh sweet God the visual effects team on this one went nuts. Its fabulous in a completely over the top in your face awesome kinda way.
5 star entertainment. For real yo. Go see it NOW.
The Orphanage
Directed by Juan Antonio Bayona
Guillermo Del Toro has something to do with this film, I think he's the producer or advisor or something, which is why I kinda wanted to see it. Its a spanish horror film about an old haunted orphanage.
The film is incredible. Beautiful visuals, and lovely and disturbing storyline. There were parts in this film where I just wanted to turn it off and walk away it was just so painful to watch, and then again there were parts that were so beautiful that you stayed in your seat.
It is terrifying, beautiful and emotional and I think it is one of the best horror films I have ever seen and oh god it is soooooooo sad....
Hellboy 2: The Golden Army
Directed by Guillermo Del Toro
It isn't often that the sequel is better than the first film, but when a film changes studios it can happen. I loved it! It is far more humorous than the first one (which I happened to watch on TV just the other day) and it went by so quickly I didn't even notice the time passing! I didn't check my phone once!
I only have one problem with this film and that was the makeup. In one scene its very obvious that they changed Hellboys costume. His head looked grossly oversized and his body just looked small and limp compared to the amazingly rippling muscles of the first one. They should have loaded him up a bit more with pecs and biceps and whatnot.
The other problem was with Hellboy as a child. They dubbed the voice, which was necessary cos the poor kid was wearing way too much makeup. They made the teeth so big that the kids lips couldn't touch which in turn made the lipsyncing look even further off. In my eyes it was something that could have easily been avoided...
Apart from that, oh man it was a really great ride! Good wholesome fun and with some damn nasty toothfairies!
The Best Dark Knight Poster...
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Thursday, 03 July 08 - 04:37 AM (GMT) By Helenasia - in Film |
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Oh dear God this IS THE BEST POSTER YET! I thought the other ones were awesome...but this...oh lordy....this poster is da bomb. Excuse the ebonics I am a bit excited...
(Original Article and source here.)
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