Why am I not sleeping? Lol...
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Tuesday, 19 May 09 - 11:14 PM (GMT) By Helenasia - in People |
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So now I have handed in all my uniwork...and am just trying so hard to get my head around everything that needs to be done before the move to London...
Main thing is, I need to find a place to live, and somehow magically come up with the funds for a deposit... Anyone who feels like handing me a massive wad of cash? Now is your chance! LOL...
I also have a few things I wanna finish up workwise before starting the job with Disney. Once I begin the work there, I won't be able to work for Ymir Mobile anymore due to a conflict of interest... shame, coz I liked the whole family business thing.
Am also wrapping my head around saying goodbye to all my friends again. Yeah this time I am not moving to a different country, which will make it easier to keep in touch, but yeah its not gonna be the same is it? No more popping upstairs to visit Daryl, Gemma, Bob, Nath, Chris and Nina... no...now I will have to once again draw on my charm to sucker people into being my mates lol... Its so tiring socializing dahling lol...
Its an exciting time, but its also a worrying time, and yeah once again all the stability I built up this year is being thrown into the wind...but...there has to be hope right? I mean you can't grow unless you push yourself just that little bit further, take some risks right?
And when I do finally find my "home" and "settle" down, its gonna be a helluva lot better than what I have right here and right now.
TWENTY FIIIIIVE
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Thursday, 05 February 09 - 01:04 AM (GMT) By Helenasia - in People |
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Rules: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you.
1. I really like to listen to country music when I am flying. It calms me.2. I am kinda scared of flying. Yeah I know its supposed to stop when you fly all around the world...but there it is. The more I fly the more fearful I get:P
3. I love cats. Whenever times are tough, they always show up and comfort me...:D
4. I have a really hard time trusting people.
5. Chewed chewing gum grosses me out. It reminds me of teeth. As in teeth that are lying around.
6. After traveling so much I don't really know where home is anymore...
7. I would rather regret the things I have done than the things I didn't do.
8. I am really looking forward to having a house:D
9. I love Jack Daniels.
10. I also love tequila...:D
11. I am addicted to sunshine
12. I sleep with a hot water bottle every night, it keeps me warm and fills the void:)
13. I want to win an Oscar some day. I don't care how long it takes me, I just want it to happen and I will make it happen.
14. I wanna work for Pixar...
15. I want to be a story artist, someone who visualizes stories and then passes them on to the animators hahaha:P
16. I wanted to be a vet when I was little.
17. I thought I would be married with kids by now.
18. I was supposed to be a millionaire by 30, but I don't know if thats gonna happen anymore. Guess its gonna be 35 instead then. I can live with that:D
19. I want to have twin girls, 2 cats and a dog. And a donkey:P
20. I love the color purple.
21. I met Mel Gibson.
22. Bram Stoker, the author of Dracula, is my great great great uncle...
23. After all my travels, the only place I have ever been stopped in customs was in Iceland...
24. I have trouble pronouncing my middle name, and throughout high school was bullied a lot for that damn name. I like it though.
25. I have had one of the roughest weeks in history this past week and it almost broke me:( Disclaimer: If you just read a whole ton of stuff you didn't wanna read and you wish you could just bypass the ramblings and see my latest work and inspiration, now you can! Visit The Ultimate Creations of Helenasia and all your dreams can come true!
Rise
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Thursday, 05 February 09 - 12:53 AM (GMT) By Helenasia - in People |
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What can I say, I started participating in this tagging stuff on Facebook and Khai actually brought it over to the Terapad and since I am saving all the random crap for this blog now...here it is!
RULES:
1. Put your iTunes, Windows Media Player, etc. on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS.
4. Tag 10 friends
5. Everyone tagged has to do the same thing.
6. Have Fun!
IF SOMEONE SAYS 'ARE YOU OKAY' YOU SAY?
Aint Misbehavin - Lena Horne
HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOURSELF?
Here in Your Arms - HelloGoodbye
WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
All I Need - Radiohead
HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Road Trippin - RHCP
WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
Moonlight Party - Fonzerelli (hahahahah!)
WHAT'S YOUR MOTTO?
Lay down in a chair - Limf (oh man this is good hhahahah...)
WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Life is a Gift - Human Dimension
WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Track 43 (its the sound of someone playing pool I think LOL....yeah I have sfx in my itunes...)
WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
My Heart- Helenasia / Dr Pressure - Mylo
WHAT IS 2 + 2?
How's the World Treating You? - Alison Krauss
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Stormy Weather - Nat King Cole (oh god this is too true...)
WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Genetic World - Telepopmusik
WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
If I had a Hammer - Leonard Nimoy (LMAO HAHAHAHAHA)
WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Paperbag - Fiona Apple (wtf...)
WHAT WILL/DID YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
I'm Waiting for the Man - The Velvet Underground (Oops....)
WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Hallelujah - Jeff Buckley (a bit depressing...)
WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Close Your Eyes - The Chemical Brothers
WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR?
Track 40 (another sound effect...this time its the sound of applause....wow)
WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
Jóga - Björk
WHAT DO YOU WANT RIGHT NOW?
O Death - Ralph Stanley (its been a bad week...)
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Snowed Under- Keane
WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
Rise - Samantha James
Growing Up
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Saturday, 06 September 08 - 04:28 PM (GMT) By Helenasia - in People |
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I know this sounds mental, but I just saved a snail.
There it was, moving slowly but surely across the pavement on my way home from town. And I knew as I passed that not everyone would see it on its journey and inevitably there would be the horrible "crunch" as its life was terminated by someone's big shoe...
For some reason I just could not let that happen today. So I attempted to pick it up, but it was firmly locked to the ground, amazing strength they have, great suction power. Then I grabbed a leaf and put it next to the snail and slowly but surely it moved itself onto the leaf. Agonizingly slowly. A woman passed by while I was doing this, and I am sure she thought I was completely mental... Ah well, its not like I know her...
Eventually the snail made it onto the leaf and I picked it up, leaf and all and moved it to the nearest garden where it will undoubtably do more damage.
I just could not let him die. Not today.
Lately I have been wondering a lot about this whole growing up thing. Maybe its the fact that I am starting a new university for the 4th time, or maybe its the fact that I turned 28 a couple of months ago. Either way, I do feel that I should be more...mature.
I am still making the silly mistakes I made when I was 20. I am still nowhere near a serious relationship. I still like toys and get easily distracted by shiny objects. I still am crap with money and some days I love nothing more than to stay in bed and watch cartoons.
When I was 18 some of my friends became prematurely middle aged. They started to act and dress like they were in their 40s. It was as if they had decided, "Ok now I am an adult, I have to act like I think an adult should act". I used to make endless fun of these people and wonder for the life of me why they would choose to become so boring! They would never come out partying, they would stay at home, and wear beige. Ugh. You know the types. The girls who have great figures but for some reason dress like they are in their 40s and hide their youthfulness. I just could not understand it. being sensible is fine, working hard at college, fine. Being in a committed relationship, fine. But why did they have to be boring? They would stop laughing at dirty jokes and it was like they just decided that no, they have to be...grown up.
That really bothered me. I never saw being grownup as a choice. I figured it would be something that came naturally, along with having kids and getting a real job. I thought that in my mid 20s it would just happen. I would slowly start to look and act like an adult.
Watching Friends the other day Ross was being told to grow up. And that kinda hit me. I started to wonder, is growing up a choice I have to make? Do I have to actively make that choice? Is it not a natural progression after all? Do I want to grow up? And the answer surprised me.
I do.
As much fun as it is being able to fit in with the younger crowd and as great it is to pick up younger guys and all, its not very...satisfying and to be honest at times its bloody tiring. I am starting to want to be...more mature. I want people to think of me as reliable and sensible, not floopy and fickle.
I want to be in a relationship that is adult and mature and...committed. I don't want to have to drink jugs of beer to prove myself. I want to own a house. I want to knit. I want to do gardening.
I want to grow up. But I don't want to lose myself in the process. I want to be sensible and mature, but...somehow also keep the color and laughter in my life. Right now I feel like such an airhead. I flirt far too much and I find myself saying things I do not believe.
For the past 3 years I have been going through many changes. I had a relationship where it was all about fun and creativity and vanity. And then I had a relationship that was more spiritual and about true love and it still was fun, but it was different. After that one I needed a little more fun, so I embraced life and did everything. Now I want a relationship that has laughter and great great sex but we also remember to pay our bills.
I need to find the balance. The balance between fun me and sensible me. And I need to be happy with that balance. I want to grow up and still be cool.
Is that possible?
Kiyaa
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Tuesday, 24 June 08 - 05:57 AM (GMT) By Helenasia - in People |
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My friend Faizal (also my boyfriend in the film Menipulate) sent me this link recently. His sister in Romania was also an artist he said. I went to her deviant art page not really expecting much, well you never know, everyone has different ideas of what is art.
Well, I just gotta say. THIS in my opinion IS art.
He wanted to see if she really was invincible.
Isn't that incredible??? You can see the rest of her stuff at deviant art here: http://kiyaaa.deviantart.com/gallery/
Waaaaaa....
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Wednesday, 28 May 08 - 02:32 PM (GMT) By Helenasia - in People |
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For some reason, today all I feel like doing is bursting into tears.
Must be an endorphine deficieny in me. Another reason might be that yesterday I overdosed on sugar. Last week I went off Coke and went on to Diet. Why? Coz I aint never been as heavy as I am now. And no, no thats flubber, not muscles.
So yesterday I had a day off, went out, had some McD, with Coke, some pizza, with Coke and some super mega over sugared caramel popcorn. WIth Pepsi.
This must be the sugar crash. How fucked up would it be if I had a drink to help me come down off the sugar?
Catch of the Day
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Saturday, 17 May 08 - 03:40 PM (GMT) By Helenasia - in People |
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Best lines of the day:
"If you don't like it, keep quiet, if you do like it, come see me again!"
*Girl at Baskin Robbins, Alamanda.
"Why are people driving so fast??? I can't see into their cars to see who they are!"
Agusta frustrated at her attempts to stalk.
"Maybe she will want your shuttlecock".
Anon.
Oh and apparently all men in Iran shave their armpits. And some of them shave all their body hair sometimes...sigh...
Disclaimer: If you just read a whole ton of stuff you didn't wanna read and you wish you could just bypass the ramblings and see my latest work and inspiration, now you can! Visit The Ultimate Creations of Helenasia and all your dreams can come true!Weoew
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Tuesday, 13 May 08 - 04:41 AM (GMT) By Helenasia - in People |
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Apparently þá var hún búin að vera ósátt við hvernig hann talaði við stelpur og hvernig hann er við aðra í nokkra mánuði. Hún er náttúrulega týpiskt malay, og er ósnortin etc.
Hann er uppalinn í Bretlandi, þið getið séð hvernig það myndi vera erfitt.
Hann er opinn, er alveg jafn opinn og hress við stelpur og stráka, nei ég meina ekki að hann sé gay, ég meina að hann er ekki þessi týpa sem sér stelpur bara sem kynferðislegt object. Burt séð frá því sem gerðist milli mín og hans þá var hún ósátt við fullt af því sem hann var að gera sem okkur evrópubúum finnst bara eðilegt.
Svo var fjölskyldan hennar farin að blanda sér inn i þetta, þau voru að dissa hann, ekkert að styðja hana heldur, voru bara með neikvæðni. Og í staðinn fyrir að tala við hann þá vildi hún bara sópa því undir teppi...
Æi ég veit ekki nákvæmlega...
Síðasta hálmstráin var þegar myndin af mér og honum birtist á facebook þar sem ég er óvart með hendina á lærinu á honum...
Hann varð svo reiður út af öllu þessu facebook dæmi og ég skil það vel.
Ég meina, það er eitt að kærasta manns er ósátt við einhverja stelpu, we all been there. En að hún sé aðallega ósátt við hvernig hann ER, og hvernig hann talar við fólk, og að fjölskyldan hennar sé að segja henni hvernig hann eigi að vera og eru að stalka hann á facebook? Nei, það er ekki kúl.
Hann á ekki að breytast í einhvern lokaðan mann sem má ekki tala við vinkonur sínar.
Hann er ekki einu sinni giftur...æi... Ég og hann hættum svo að hann gæti sorterað út hluti með henni og samt haldið áfram að vera vinur minn. Eins og hún vildi hafa þetta þá mætti hann ekki einu sinni eiga vinkonur.
Ég var næstum búin að missa hann alveg.
Ég hef ekki hugmynd um hvað ég á að gera núna, hélt aldrei þetta myndi ske! Er eflaust að útskýra þetta hálfbrenglað líka.
Maaaaaaaan....
Er bara að reyna að vera vinkona hans og hlusta. Hann getur talað við mig um allt, hana líka, enda er hann fyrst og fremst besti vinur minn, svo kemur allt hitt.
Fyndið hvernig uppá síðkastið elskhugi minn er einnig best vinur minn.
I like it like that.
Samt veit ég ekkert hvernig mér á að líða með þetta allt saman.
Plís ekki dæma mig. Disclaimer: If you just read a whole ton of stuff you didn't wanna read and you wish you could just bypass the ramblings and see my latest work and inspiration, now you can! Visit The Ultimate Creations of Helenasia and all your dreams can come true!
Wow, this article is nuts...
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Friday, 02 May 08 - 03:11 PM (GMT) By Helenasia - in People |
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"I think men inherit -- if from nowhere else than from the movies -- the impression that in order to win the respect and love of a woman, you ought to be doing something meaningful in the world. And if you can't hold your head up high in that sense, then why ask somebody to love you? "
This quote is from an interview with Benjamin Kunkel, writer of "Indecision."
Read the rest here. Seriously do.
Devon and The Neighbour
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Sunday, 20 April 08 - 12:49 PM (GMT) By Helenasia - in People |
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WARNING- Contains graphic language and some seriously fucked up shit.
Yeah this seriously is the last warning. Hahahah...
This is one fucked up story, so for those of you who feel like continuing to read, well, go ahead, but uh yeah I hope you don't think about me differently afterwards...
Devon and The Neighbour
Trembling slightly, he leaned back into the large enveloping armchair, as if the chair could erase the truth of what she had done to him.
He could hardly believe it. The light of his life, his girlfriend for 7 years, had cheated on him.
Devon was a rather muscular man, an ex-boxer. He had made it through a lot of bad situations, but there are some things no man could take.
His heart pounded as he remembered how she had laughed at his pain over the phone. Worthless and impotent, she had called him. Less than a man, she had said.
She had needs, she had explained and those needs were now being met by their neighbour. Which neighbour? he had asked desperately, to which she had replied "Does it matter?"
And it didn't. Nothing mattered now. Nothing.
A bitter smile graced his lips as he looked towards the table and saw the small bottle of blue pills. His last attempt at satisfying her. Too late now... He gulped down another few inches of Jack Daniels, courtesy of his overdrawn credit card. The bottle was still half full, or half empty, depending on how you look at it.
Half empty, he decided.
Next to the Viagra were the sleeping pills his mother had asked him to buy for her earlier that day. A small brown bottle of sleeping pills. Only available on prescription. Extra-strong. Probably death to the liver, but did that really matter? No, nothing mattered. Nothing.
With one hand he turned on the television, any sound was better than this empty silence, mocking him, taunting him with echoes of his girlfriend's last words to him as she shattered his life and his manhood.
Ah that was better, Monty Python was on. That would be worth a few laughs. He sat in the large comfy chair, laughing coldly at the comedy and after a few minutes he relaxed enough to breathe again.
And the power went off.
Fuck.
Fuck this.
FUCK.
Filled with nothing but a cold and empty desperation he reached for the bottle of sleeping pills. And washed them down with the bottle of Jack Daniels. All of them. Every single one. Swishhhh was the sound as they swam down his throat into the empty pit of despair which was usually known as his stomach.
Waves of darkness washed over him as he felt the pills kick in, and probably the J.D. too, after all he had now finished the bottle. Neither half full nor half empty, just empty.
Empty.
2 hours later he woke up with a start, and realised something had gone terribly wrong. All he could feel apart from the throbbing in his head was a vague feeling of blood rushing to his legs. Stumbling to his feet, he tripped and slammed up against the wall, hard. And the amount of excrutiating pain he felt in his nether region rather than his head, explained it all.
He had possibly the hardest erection he had ever had. Even since high school.
It was like it had a life of its own. This huge throbbing appendage pushing to escape from his pants. He felt the wall and was amazed to feel a slight dent in the plaster where his hard-on had made contact. What the hell was going on?
The lights flickered half heartedly and then full strength. Ah the power was back on.
Feeling groggy he made his way back to the chair and sat down carefully. And saw it.
Lying on the floor was the empty bottle of pills. The empty bottle of Viagra pills. He had grabbed the wrong bottle of pills. He had overdosed on Viagra.
FUCK!
He tried to clear his azure mind but only one thought stuck in his head. FUCK. Random images of naked women zoomed through his mind, in various stages of undress and in many interesting poses and positions... He could hear himself growling with frustration as he became even harder.
His brain could barely concentrate on anything besides the possibilities that were now in front of him.
Fuck this! He stood up slowly and hobbled out of his sterile apartment wearing only a wife beater and boxers. He was too far gone to care about the fact that a whole family of native Americans could live in the tent now pitched by his boner. Leaning up against the walls of the corridor he shuffled along, slowly and stubbornly.
His neighbour's door was slightly ajar and he stumbled eagerly to it. Didn't really matter who or what lived there, as long as it was human. He was like a plug without a socket. He needed it.
Pushing his way inside, Devon's eyes searched frantically for the occupier of the apartment. Ah there, in the kitchen. There were sounds coming from the kitchen. The kitchen.
Hobbling quickly with one hand on his hard-on he made it into the kitchen and lunged for the only living being in there, a slim, well groomed white male wearing jogging pants and a tight tshirt. The man looked up in horror and shock at Devon's stiff entrance and physical state. "What the hell?" Devon grabbed the man by the hips and pushed him forward over the kitchen counter and tore down the man's trousers. The family of native Americans were beginning to complain of a leak in their teepee.
Devon's neighbour tried to protest weakly, surprising weakly, in fact. But Devon didn't care, all Devon cared about was getting it done. He whipped out his offending appendage and plunged it into the depths of his neighbour 's rear end who seemed to be taking it quite well...
FUUUUUUUUCK!!! Devon banged away with blissful abandon not caring that someone was watching them.
Finally his sweet release washed over him and with a shudder he was spent.
Whoooosh.... gradually his head came down out of the clouds and his eyes opened. He was still rock hard, but the edge had been taken off.
He heard a sound coming from behind him, so he withdrew his rod of fury and turned around.
FUCK.
Standing in front of him wearing only an oversized tshirt, was his girlfriend staring at him looking confused and terrified.
And it hit him.
The neighbour whose booty he had plundered, was the exact same one that was fucking his girlfriend.
A slow and evil smile crept across Devon's face.
"Right! You're next!" he said gleefully and leaped across the room.
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