Hey hey we're the monkeys!
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By Helenasia - in Updates Published: Sunday, 04 October 09 - 07:20 PM (GMT) |
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So next week my probational 3 months are up at Disney and we have our first review... Am a little nervous about it, just since you never know, do you, and its always hard taking in criticism, no matter how positive, and I just am not that naive to think its all going to be praise for my awesomeness.
Honestly I think I have a feeling I know exactly what they are going to say: That I need to listen more, and not take it to heart when I get criticism. Hahaha...
Am worried about the fact that they are going to point out that I get worried about criticism. LOL.
But anyway, realising that I have already been at DIS for 3 months now also made me think about a few other things, like I have now been in the UK for over a year. I started to think about how worried I was at the time whether I had made the right choice.
A year ago I had a place in Malaysia, with friends and loved ones, and a career (of sorts). And I came back to England for a few reasons. A) to pursue the dream and do my MA... and B) to be closer to family in case they needed me, or...in case I needed them.
I also wanted to settle down. Find love, make my own family. Etc. This was kinda a big thing...having moved so often in the past few years.
So lets take stock now.
I am still single, so the family thing didnt work. Yet. I am still building on a good strong network of friends, my mates in Wales are still close by, but...I will get there.
But here are the things that truly matter.
I got an internship with Disney Interactive Studios before even finishing my MA.
My sister is pregnant, going to have a little girl in January and I CAN BE THERE FOR HER!
On weekends I can visit my cousin if I need advice, a bit of family madness...etc:)
I am happy.
I feel like I am really getting somewhere.
There are of course times when...I feel like I suck. I am a terrible gamer. Got kicked off a Left4Dead game today. I don't blame them, I probably would have ended up shooting all my teammates...and it was my first online game too...but am trying to remember that I have other nongaming talents...like filmmaking. I am not a gamer, I am an illustrator, designer and animator. It just wouldnt be fair if I was an awesome gamer too. Although I am pretty vicious at Tekken....
Other days I just feel like I am in so far over my head its not even funny. Like I am a kid trying to live in a grownup world. But then again, those days aren't as often anymore...and I have a feeling I will be having those days until...well until I have no more days...
There are still so many things I need to change about myself so that I can care about me a little more. I need to take care of myself a lot better than I have been doing lately. My weekends are usually quiet, I need them to rest and recuperate after the week...and this weekend has been good. A little downtime etc.
Ugh, this has to be the most aimless bloody blog I have ever written.
What am I trying to say here?
I feel like I am in the right place, at the right time for once. I feel like I am slowly (but steadily) getting where I want to be.
But, its a lot emptier here than I thought it would be, and...I feel like at any moment I could self destruct and sabotage myself off this path.
I have no idea where I will be at this time next year and it both terrifies and thrills me.
Don't get me wrong, I am NOT complaining....am just a little...unsure of myself. Bacon and chocolate are helping...but...that in turn causes other insecurities.
What do you guys do when you feel like you are a slightly retarded 5 year old with anger management issues, trying to cut it in an adults world?
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